


You can't see where your headed (but that's fine since it's with them.)

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Star vs. The Forces Of Evil
Genre: Ableism, Ableist Language, Angst, Autism, Autistic Star Butterfly, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Repression, Fluff, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Man I could go into detail about stars family but that's for another day, Marco isn't out yet, Multi, Past Child Neglect, Past Dysfunctional Family, Pre-Season Finale, Self-Esteem Issues, She's there she's queer, Star: -gets crush- -immediately denies her feelings-, Supportive star butterfly, THE GIRLIEFRIENDS, Trans Female Character, Trans Girl Marco Diaz, Trans Marco, Trans Marco Diaz, adhd star, but just kno, figuring tom as; The Fifth Wheel™, just a touch though, protect her, she did this with Marco and she does it with everyone, shes trans, star has adhd, star has autism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-12 20:47:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10499175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: The future is uncertain, flickering in and out like a breaking light bulb trying to catch a idea.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place before song day, or episode 34 "face the music", and after the date between Marco, Jackie, and star, or episode 33 "just friends"
> 
> Good things to listen to when reading:  
> •https://youtu.be/dr_SpQEGR4s pillow fights  
> •https://youtu.be/hyj4JFSErrw Jenny  
> •https://youtu.be/sGV2QBN2yPU pretty girl  
> •https://youtu.be/wKeJRtB6884 heaven  
> •https://youtu.be/SAXPU6Cdl4A infinitesimal  
> •https://youtu.be/rNIx2ryQXsA tightrope  
> •https://youtu.be/3C-2xCuJZYQ lovely  
> •https://youtu.be/TH1IcpDbybQ lowlife  
> •https://youtu.be/RBtlPT23PTM space song

You look out of the window. It's raining, you realize, a pitter patter  sound echoing on the roof, and you hum along. You still miss Glossaryck, but your not stuffing Marco in books anymore. You're not stupid; no matter what some people – your mom, mainly – think contrary. You know Marco wasn't logically Glossaryck, and couldn't replace him. Still though, as a desperate means of coping you convinced yourself otherwise. 

 

Youre not stupid though, and because your not stupid you notice things. Most people seem to think that you don't pay attention, or maybe you don't care, but that's not true. In reality you just always get distracted, mind wandering to things others might deem meaningless. But your _not_ stupid – in fact, you don't think _anyone_ is, not _really_ – and so you notice things about Marco, and piece things together, if only a bit. Another thing about you is that you're _open_ , you love learning new things and meeting new people, mysteries and  adventures have always been your favorite things to solve and go on, and really, is life not just one big mystery? One big adventure? But your getting side tracked, that's besides the point. When you see Marco smiling more in a dress than they ever did in a hoodie, when they seem to flinch at every time someone calls them a boy, you notice. eventaully, altogether you started referring to Marco as they. Marco is Marco – no matter what after all, but you're unsure whether Marco is a boy, has ever been. So eventually it just comes naturally, a they slipping in the sea of hes in your conversation. You're unsure if you should say something — unsure if Marco themselves even knows, unsure what it even is to know, but no matter what you'll be there.

You'll always be there for Marco.

 

Janna and Jackie are coming over. It's a Friday, and you're having a sleepover and movie night. There's no school tomorrow, only morning laugher ahead. Marco invited tom. You're not sure why, but somehow they have become closer, tom clinging to Marco almost as if he's a cat. You have to admit that it's nice he's moved on, but what's not so nice is he moved on to _exactly_ _the_ _same_ _person_ _as_ _you_. Still though, Marco does seem to be a good influence on him, as they tend to defuse any explosion without even trying. That's one of the reasons you fell for them, actually, they have a calming like presence, albeit in a odd way. Marco's truly a enigma.

A good kind, though.

 

 

Soon the door bell rings, a chiming in your ear as you bounce up to greet your friends, smiling. You couldn't help the grin covering your face, even when you were in a melancholy mood, whenever you saw them. After the group date you've found yourself grow a strong liking to jackie, and even before that you found her attractive. 

Only aestheticly of course.

Of course.

recently though, in class you find yourself staring at her, as if suddenly you see her personality, not just her face, you see her not as a rival, but as a person. And sometimes you find yourself dreaming about her, weither awake or asleep. You remarked often on the lipstick she used, whenever it changed you noticed, you even bought her favorite brand for yourself. 

You like her—as a friend of course, and _only_ as a friend, it's bad enough if you get a crush on your best friend, but their  _girlfriend_ as well? There's no way any of you would work out. Despite the fact that it's common on mewni relationships with multiple partners seemed almost taboo on earth. Not that you thought about this. Not at all. 

And you definitely didn't think about maybe possibly kissing Janna either. Definitely not. The fact that she is one of the only people you gave a nickname to didnt  mean anything, don't read into it. It was spur of the moment. You definitely didn't spend nights awake thinking of it, of her. janna-banana. Her reaction to it was so cute you almost squealed. You memorized the exact look on her face. You stared at her face a lot. That wasn't unusual. Friends do that all the time. You're only _friends._

okaaaaaaayyy so you maybe might have a bit of a crush on Jackie. And Janna. Maybe. But just a bit! Really, it would fade in time. ...eventually. Hopefully. Maybe.

Oh who were you kidding, you were screwed, weren't you?

But as you open the door you think, that's ok, maybe, as long as you have them. Even just as friends.

 

Sometimes you're shocked at the Diaz family, and how open and accepting they are. You never got this kind of attention from your mom, only expectations and lectures that coiled around you like a snake, suffocating. The Diaz are never controlling, and never absent, unlike your mom, who somehow does both. They really are nice people, you wish you could be apart of such a warm family, you think. When you told them this, they laughed, saying that _you already are apart of this family_ , as far as they were concerned. It made you feel as warm as they certainly are. 

Today is definitely not a acception to the diazs kindness, as they set out pizza rolls and hot chocolate, not even judging the _literal_ _demon_ in their home, instead just asking if he was allergic to anything. You wonder if there's just a Diaz Gene that makes all of them so nice.

 

snuggling in between jackie and Janna, you sip your drink, only vaguely paying attention to the movie that's on. Marco is next to Jackie, leaning their head on her shoulder and wrapping their foot around toms head, who is sitting on the ground infront of them. They look so ingrossed in the movie, and it's adorable. Its some kind of animated one, and you get the feeling it's serious, and you should be paying attention, but you find you content to not. It's not really easy for you to focus on things anyways, and you're perfectly happy to gaze at your companions instead. .....platonically, of course. Yeah. Platonically.

..........it wasn't platonic at all.

 

After alot of pizza rolls later there was various yelling about the movie—most of which flew over your head, but it was nice to see everyone passionate about something. You wish you could join more, and you almost regret not paying attention. But when you think of their faces when watching, the way Marco would play with their lip in between their teeth when a character was in trouble, the snores Janna softly made halfway threw the film, and the way you'd sometimes catch Jackie looking at you.. it stays _almost_.

 

 You laid on the grown, snacks surrounding you and your hand in jannas, and earbuds in everyone's ears. There's makeup surrounding you, and you let out a happy sigh. You all did Marcos make up, dressing them up as well— without magic, because some people don't know how to have fun, apparently— Jackie and Janna helping you along the way after you mixed up lipstick and hair gel. How were you supposed to know? You use magic to get ready, and earth products are so weird! Jackie and Janna combed out Marcos hair though, even going so far as to lay their head in the sink and gently wash. After everything, Marco looked happier, and so you couldn't find it in you to pout about your mess up for long. Marcos shy smile was infectious. 

You find your other hand going to their soft hair, stroking as a smile works it's way up to your face. Jackies playing with Marcos hair as well, a soft smile on her face and her eyes serinely closed. Your smile grew and you looked back at marco, just as they glanced upwards in your direction. Your smile got even brighter at the soft look they gave you, a genuine smile lighting up their face. You closed your eyes, beaming, as you listened to music with everyone.

 

 You wormed your way around your sleeping bag, socks brushing against the swooshy fabric. It has to be past midnight, but you can't find it in you to sleep just yet. At night it was silent, at night you thought, you remembered, and that wasn't really a good thing. Sometimes youd trace your veins with a needle to feel the sting on your skin, on nights like these, tugs at your hair turn aggressive. You could hear snoring from Jackie, louder then you would have pinned her for, and the tell tale heavy breathes of Marco, signifying they've finally fallen into slumber as well. You looked over to Janna, who was right next to you, seeing that a faint glow could be seen in her sleeping bag, showing she was night blogging again. She really needed to break that habit.

"Hey.. Janna?" You asked softly, uncertainty in your voice, and her head peaked out of the sleeping bag, looking up at you.

"hm?"

"Do you... do you think I'll be able to stay with you all? Now that marco has Jackie I... am I still needed? Aren't I just a intrusion? A burden?"

she sat up, looking at you seriously, hands coming to your shoulders. You averted your eyes from her hazel ones.

"Star, look at me. You are not a intrusion. You. Are. Not. A. Burden. Not to me– and I bet not to them either. You're important, you've come into my world, bright— and— _I_ need you star. Now stop talking like that– you're important, to me. No matter what I have your back. And you can't get rid of me that easy."

You are silent for a bit– bad thoughts tucked away in warm regret. You wondered if it was really ok— any of this. You don't know where you're headed, you don't want to be queen, you want to continue like this, this is more home then mewni ever felt, you have more true family here then back there, but you don't know if you can stay, you don't know if you'll be allowed to. Glosyrk is gone, everything is far to much, far to fast. But— but if it's with them you think you'll be fine.

"Janna? Thank you."

And you mean it.

You really mean it.

 

You truly love earth, and these people on it.

**Author's Note:**

> There's no shipping wars if you ship everyone together  
> [https://img.memesuper.com/bc67ae16dfb2e2399da4037d2322f291_7-replies-22-retweets-39-likes-meme-black-guy-thinking_626-373.jpeg]
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways this was supposed to be pure fluff because the season finale killed me but a little bit of angst and hurt/comfort crawled its way in and now I have to tag implied/referenced self harm how did I mess up so badly. Oh wait yeah I always end up projecting on these characters that's why whoops
> 
> There's a little bit on stars relationship family in this, but I only touched on it briefly. One day I'll write something about that dysfunctional mess but again, this was supposed to be a cute story, so I only touched on it. 
> 
> Also this could just be me projecting but star totally had adhd and autism, there's no doubt in my mind
> 
> Props to breastforce for the wonderful trans Marco theory which is less of a theory and more solid every episode I love it so much. 
> 
> Star is not completely oblivious in this but she's still not sure what marco prefers to go by so she uses they/them in her head and a mix of they/them and he/him out loud so she doesn't out marco or anything. She thought about this a lot and decided that was what was best for now since she doesn't even know if Marco realizes or not, and she wants to wait until Marcos ready. Basically she's waiting for Marco to figure it out if she hasn't already and come to her about it. It's important to not out someone before they're ready, it's there decision when to come out or even if they're going to, and you have to respect that. 
> 
> Anyways stars super pan sorry I don't make the rules it's just a fact
> 
> If you want someone to blame for this blame these two wonderful pieces of art and their creators: https://imafucko.tumblr.com/post/158073741214/lulabymoon-date-night-usually-consists-of https://imafucko.tumblr.com/post/158093233619/transjiimhawkins-girlfriend-sleepover


End file.
